Earlier this week, I uploaded a post about the birth of Robert Dudley, Jr. that mentioned a letter that Leicester sent to a lady who was most certainly Douglas. That inspired a bunch of you to reach out to me – enough to make me suspect that more of you out there would love to read it, so I am adding it here (cleaned up a bit to make it easier):
My good friend, hardly was I brought to write in this sort unto you lest you might conceive otherwise thereof than I mean it, but more loth am I to conceal anything from you that both honesty and true good will doth bind me to impart unto you.
I have, as you well know, long both loved and liked you, and found always that faithful and earnest affection at your hand again that bound me greatly to you. This goodwill of mine, whatsoever you have thought, hath not changed from that it was at the beginning toward you. And I trust, after your widowhood began upon the first occasion of my coming to you, I did plainly and truly open unto you in what sort my good will should and might always remain to you, and showing you such reasons as then I had for the performance of mine intent, as well as ever since. It seemed you had fully resolved with yourself to dispose yourself accordingly, without any further expectation or hope of other dealing. From which time you have framed yourself in such sort toward me as was very much to my contentation. And I did with my former mind also continue my good will and determination toward you.
And so without difference or question ever since hath it passed between us, till as you can remember this last year at one time upon a casual doubt you pressed me in a further degree than was our condition, wherein I did plainly and truly deal with you. Some unkindness began and after, a greater strangeness fell out, though, as I have told you since, for other respects, for notwithstanding [that] first unkindness we did often meet in friendly sort and you resolved not to press me more with [that] matter, but so great mislike and grief you took of the latter strangeness, which continued in deed only on my part for this five or six months till of late I partly showed you the cause, as you thought the good will I bare you had clean been changed and withdrawn, in such sort as you often moved me by letters and otherwise to show you some cause or to deal plainly with you what I intended toward you.
The truth is I did long forbear, as you know, not without great and weighty occasion touching nearly myself, to determine one answer or other till time conveniently for me might issue (and here by the way I must confess the show of your great good will in this time was such as moved me not less to esteem you than before). In the end time brought opportunity meet to let you know the cause of my long strangeness, which I did open truly and plainly and thereupon a reconciliation was made between us, and were become such friends as we had been before without any new or other condition; which time is not yet long since, for many days are not passed since our first meeting for this last reconciliation.
Notwithstanding, upon occasion of talk which passed from you at the last being with you of all, it seemed to me that you have the same mind that you were in this last year, which bred then some difference between us. Whereupon I have since thoroughly weighed and considered both your own and mine estate, and God is my judge that I do it with a most true and honest mind unto you, as one that is bound both in honor and honesty to deal in this sort as I mean to open here unto you; and do protest that my affection was never greater toward you otherwise since my first acquaintance with you than now it is. But I would be loath to live so to deal with such a one as I know you are, and as I must confess you have justly given me cause, that hereafter for lack of true and honest dealing may work you more wrong than shall lie in my power again by all the ways I can, to make you recompense. God forbid I should any way be found so unthankful. For albeit I have been and yet am a man frail, yet am I not void of conscience toward God, nor honest meaning toward my friend; and having made special choice of you to be one of the dearest to me, so much the more care must I have to discharge the office due unto you.
And in this consideration of the case betwixt you and me, I am to weigh of your mind and my mind, to see as near as may be [that] neither of us be deceived. And finding some doubt by your last speeches that you conceive otherwise now than you have done heretofore, to proceed to some further degree that is possible for me, without mine utter overthrow, to think meet or allow of, as I have both at the first and sundry times since plainly declared to you, I think it my part for honesty and truth’s sake and also for respect of your estate, both to resolve you for the one, and to put you in remembrance of the other, being as I have said bound in good will, and also knowing what you have and do suffer for my sake only.
And therefore the first, I must this conclude, that the same I was at the beginning the same I am still toward you, and to no other or further end can it be looked for. For you must think it is some marvelous cause, and toucheth my present state very near, that forceth me thus to be cause almost of the ruin of mine own house; for there is no likelihood that any of our bodies of mankind like to have heirs; my brother you see long married and not like to have children, it resteth so now in myself; and yet such occasions is there, as partly I have told you ere now, as if I should marry I am sure never to have favor of them that I had rather yet never have wife than lose them, yet is there nothing in the world next that favor that I would not give to be in hope of leaving some children behind me, being now the last of our house. But yet the cause being as it is I must content myself, and cannot but show my full determination to you that you assuredly may know my mind and resolution as it is, and so may consider thoroughly what is meet and best for you, seeing for mine own part for no respect I can be otherwise than in [that] sort I have been heretofore. This much for myself.
Now for the second, which concerneth yourself. Your mind I may not judge of. But your case and state I will lay before you as if I were to say for myself, and yet so must I speak against myself in some respect, but I know you can conceive well enough whatsoever I shall forbear. I will leave out here your casual depending on me, for all men be mortal and thereby etc.; but put you in remembrance what yourself hath sometimes remembered, and which is true. Look to your person, your youthful time to be consumed and spent without certainty, who can give it or recover it to you again; the daily accidents [that] hap by grieving and vexing you, both to the hindrance of your body and mind; the care and cumber of your own causes ungoverned; the subjection you are in to all reports to the touch of your good name and fame.
These be the respects that be ordinary to your own consideration, and cannot but be thought of when the examination of your case and state comes in question. Now you hear these particularities rehearsed, which is easy to every man, you will ask for remedy. The remedy is to be had according to your disposition, which if I did certainly know then would I adventure further, but I confess therein I am no competent judge. Only this will I say, that for my sake you have and do refuse as good remedies as are presently in our time to be had. The choice falls not oft, and yet I know you may have now of the best; and as it is not my part to bid you take them, so were it not mine honesty, considering mine own resolution, to bid you refuse them; neither were it well done of me to conceal my mind now from you, perceiving so much as I did by your talk this last time, whereby to abuse you. To carry you away for my pleasure to your more great and further grief hereafter were too great a shame for me, when being too late known the lack could not so easily be supplied as now it may, having both time and occasion offered you, neither should my repentance be excusable when no recompense could be made on my part sufficient to make satisfaction.
Now I have freely and plainly opened my heart unto you, which shall much content and quiet me, being done, God I call to record, upon a sound and most faithful love toward you, as one [that] liketh much to enjoy you and not to betray you. And so I hope you will conceive and accept of my meaning and to consider thoroughly and deeply of this matter, and to examine yourself every way, and then let me know your mind; for when you have made your election you shall find me a most willing and ready friend to perform all good offices toward you, according to my promise at the beginning of your liberty [widowhood]. And so for this time I commit to the Almighty who always preserve and keep you as I would myself.
Yours as much as he was,
R. L.
I pray you think, and so I do faithfully assure you, this doth rise upon no other cause in the world but upon your last speech with me, by which methought it seemed you conceived somewhat; and were not honest for me to leave you in doubt, being resolved as I am and ever have been for certain, otherwise and in all things the same as I was will be.
[If you want to see the original (“original” being a relative term – if you want to see a fully accurate transcription, you can click through to the article Conyers Read wrote about it (you might have to create your own JSTOR account). This same article also establishes with pretty much certainty that the letter, addressed only to “a lady,” is unquestionably Douglas Sheffield – and would even if Conyers Read were not such an authority…]
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